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Detached or not detached??


 I am posting a short piece that I sent to a coaches list to-day.  You might find it useful…..

Since I believe that ‘who you are is how you coach’, I think that having total detachment from clients and their issues is an impossibility – a fiction which our profession gets caught in. We are not automatons – we come with history, personality and beliefs. The intention to be detached comes from someone! The intention is fine, but let’s not leave out the person who has decided to be that as far as they can.

 What is more important, I think,  is to know and acknowledge the ‘who I am’ and to use that awarely and wisely. We are in a relational profession and how we make and sustain relationships, requires that we show up truly – including having the genuine intention to stay as neutral as we can and get out of the client’s way. Much of neuroscience and neuro-cardiology demonstrates so powerfully how the space between us and our clients is a living environment, full of spoken and unspoken exchanges. Just sitting there with someone, is to influence them.
I am sure we are sometimes perplexed as to why a potential client chooses someone else over us even though we may be similarly –  or better –  qualified/experienced than ‘the chosen one’.  It may well be because of who they are – the client simply felt better in their company than in ours.  Personality matters and it operates hugely even while we work towards establishing a neutral space for our clients.
One of the best articles I have read which potently illustrates what I am saying can be found at . The article is entitled ‘Relational Coaching’. You know that article – the one you always wanted to write yourself – and there it is, perfect and better than you could have managed.  Aw shucks!!
Edna Murdoch  November 2013